John Blumenthal: Caroline, you're just starting out as writer. How did you decide that writing was what you wanted to do? And what genre do you hope to specialize in?
Caroline Hagood: I thought about what I liked doing (reading, writing, watching movies) and what I was good at doing (reading, writing, watching movies) and, poof, there was my career.
The genre question is harder because right now I'm all over the place. I recently finished my first novel and I write poetry, reviews and articles. I think I may suffer from wanting to be all things as a writer.
How did you get started? Do you have any life lessons or juicy stories that you want to share from your adventures as a novelist, humor writer and editor?
JB: I always wanted to write novels, but ended up doing just about everything else first -- magazine pieces, editing, nonfiction books, spoofs, TV, movies, and now, finally novels. So it's OK to dabble, I think. Anything will help to hone your skills.
Got my first job out of college at Esquire, and then became an editor at Playboy for 8 years. It was a real rollercoaster. But my experiences at those two magazines made me realize for the first time that I was good at writing humor. I hadn't known that before.
You know, of course, Caroline, that writing poetry will get you nowhere. What's the novel about in 50 words or less?
CH: I am well aware that poetry isn't exactly the road to celebrity, but it's the kind of writing I've done for the longest and I doubt I'll stop any time soon. What can I say, I'm a stubborn one.
Hmmm...the novel in 50 words or less: a daughter goes back home to help her mother who's dying of cancer finish her last book; I guess you could say it's about the powerful, albeit perverse, relationship between the daughter and her mother who's as powerfully creative as she is destructive to those who love her.
What are your thoughts on the lifestyle of the writer? How did you cope with an industry so heavy on competition and rejection? I ask in the past tense because, looking at your track record, I'm guessing you don't face that anymore.
JB: Your book sounds promising, depending on how well it's plotted and written of course, and how well the characters come to life. As I'm sure you know, most book buyers are women, and your book sounds as if it might appeal to that audience -- the Amy Tan, Kingsolver, Lovely Bones readers. But it's all plot and character. In any case, no matter how good it is, be prepared for a lot of rejection. It's the name of the game.
Even after all my credits, I have to start anew every time I write something. It's a drag. Guess I'm just not famous enough to get my shopping list published. As for rejection, I've developed a thick skin. I could wallpaper a room with the rejection slips. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. The bathroom wallpaper is peeling...
As for lifestyle, the thing I hate the most about freelancing is the waiting periods. You've got a novel circulating and it takes months and you have nothing to do. That's one reason why I write for Open Salon -- to keep me busy. It was different with scripts. There were tons of meetings, mostly useless, but at least they got me out of the house.
Do you have an agent yet? If not, you'll need one for the novel. They're not easy to get nowadays. Some say it's harder to get a good agent than it is to get a publisher.
CH: No, no agent yet. That's just a pipe dream for now.
Yes, I have often thought of the rejection wallpaper. To date my career can be summed up as: nebulous, darn frustrating and downright delightful. The writer's life is a strange one; you live so much in your own thoughts and creations that sometimes you need that outside recognition just to make sure you’ve actually said it out loud. I didn’t know the exquisite pain of the professional writer till the rejection letters started pouring in. I have often thought of projects I could do to put them to some use, spawning such lucrative ideas as rejection letter wallpaper (but I think you might have beat me to that one), toilet paper, or more perverse still, stationary—on which I could send out pitch letters that already spell out my future failure.
What I think it comes down to is that you won't survive the ups, downs, or the bouts of hovering stasis, without a well-developed sense of humor. There are times when I see myself, as if from the outside: hair rumpled and crumpled, post-it notes covering where the walls used to be white, computer keys stained brown from repeated coffee-spills (some writers never learn to maintain a safe distance between their machinery of creation and their drug of choice), and I think to myself: just look at each gaffe as a stepping stone on your way to a literary somewhere; and then I laugh, and then I laugh a little more.
I'd say you know a little something about humor, John. You have a new novel making its way around, too, don't you? Tell me about that one.
JB: I write because I have to, because I want people to read my stuff and for money, the first being most important. I think it was Mark Twain who said something like: "any writer doesn't write for money is either an idiot or a fool."
Unfortunately my sense of humor doesn’t serve me that well when the rejections start pouring in.
My new novel is more serious than the last 2. It's 2 stories -- one that takes place in contemporary America, involving a young guy who's sick because he inherited something from his grandfather. The other story is about his grandfather, a Berlin cabaret comedian who ends up in a camp, then escapes. Long story short, the contemporary guy's life is saved by his grandfather's arch nemesis -- a Nazi who killed his beloved uncle.
But it probably won't sell -- too quirky. And not directed to a female audience. You also have to keep in mind that editors don’t look at books in the same way we do. They see dollar signs.
How important is making a living at writing to you? Do you do it for the same reasons I do?
CH: Actually, it sounds like the kind of book I would love.
I think it would be great to really make it as a writer, but I'll keep on writing regardless. I do it because it's what I've always done--that's what you get when you spend your childhood as the quirky, bookish kid. Of course I love to reach readers. The moments where I can tell that my very personal idea has resonated with someone are transcendent, the Holy Grail of writerdom.
But, in the end, it all comes down to laughs and rejection wallpaper, eh?
JB: Every now and then I'd get a review of one of my novels that clearly indicated that the critic really understood the underlying themes of the books. Most people thought of them as just stories. Sure, good plots are necessary, but it's always been my belief that there has to be some kind of message lurking beneath the surface.
Of course, that doesn't happen much with scripts, original ones anyway. Not much wisdom lurking under a car chase.
The greatest moment, to me, is holding the finished product in my hands. A book! With a cover! Pages! And I wrote it! Of course, this wears off as soon as the first sales figures come in.
When you say make it as a writer, what do you mean exactly?
CH: Oof, I haven't even started thinking about the next level of potential rejection--the review.
I realize that "making it as a writer" is one of the most subjective phrases out there; for now, it means getting to a point where the mention of my name would result in a look of recognition from at least one person other than my mom. How about you? What's your barometer for writing success?
JB: Don't worry too much about reviews. Most outlets won't review it if they don’t like it, unless you're Philip Roth and you just wrote a real stinker. Plus, you can get all your friends to review it on Amazon.
Looks of recognition? Good luck with that. Nobody remembers an author's name anymore. It's worse for screenwriters. Think of 10 of your favorite movies and tell me who wrote them without Googling.
My barometer? Recognition would be nice. Good reviews, money and the feeling that I've written something really good, the last being the most important.
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